Scatterbrains is what I call it. In #WorldofWarcraft, there’s a hunter ability called scattershot where a spray of tiny bullets hit the target. That’s what scatterbrains is like when I have a million thoughts bouncing around my head, but accomplish doing none of them. Each little bullet represents a thought. A task. Then at the end of the day, I sit at my desk angry at myself, wondering where all the time has gone, when I have sat there for hours like a ventriloquist dummy without its master. I’ve wasted the time doing dumb frivolous things that add up to doing nothing.
Scatterbrains happens mostly when I have to do something that I think is pointless or has no means to an end. Such as my calculus class. I see no point in doing calculus since it’s not used in the profession I’m going into, but I’m forced to take it. It’s one of those no means to an end situations and I will do everything in the house, just so I don’t do the math. I hate that. And its not that I hate math, it’s that I will never use calculus in programming. Like ever, so I feel like the school is stealing my money. Why not? It’s the New York way.
Besides terrible math, the other thing I’m most scatterbrained about is I’m unemployed. I was laid off my job of 6 years back in January of this year. I have applied at about 5 jobs and I haven’t gotten a response from any of them. Go fig. I feel like being in school is time-consuming in itself and getting a full time job wouldn’t be the best use of my time right now. But I need an income and I hate being without a regular stream of it.
Another bullet is just the state of the world today. Although I know I can’t do anything about it, the state of Palestine bothers me. Kamala Harris bothers me. The world if bothering me. Why can’t people just be good and not lemmings? It seems like everything I learned about the world as a kid was all fake. They said hey, we can get a lot of money and fix world hunger! But all I’ve seen are billionaires take trips to outerspace and regular joes spend their money on their 4th car. It really rips something out of you when you’re a 90s kid who was raised on the concept of things like “We Are the World” and saving the Earth, only to grow up and actually learn people are the most disgusting beings on the planet. To see grown adults attack a kid like Greta Thunburg (although she’s not a kid anymore) for doing just what I was grown up to do, save the Earth. This timeline of humankind has really derailed. Then to see people really defending Israel as they commit genocide against the Palestinians, I have zero trust in mankind because it’s so easy to get people on the wrong side of history and now I see how easy it was for Hitler to convince well-meaning, everyday Germans to execute Jewish people in the worst way possible. Humans are vile, evil and stupid beings. I just feel like everything we learned in school was just wishful thinking because humans, can never be that good on a high population scale. We can be good people in small villages and towns, but you can forget humans being collectively good anything beyond that because they will breed too many bad people and leave too much room for error and corruption.
As for Kamala, she gives me a bad feeling because she will not bring about change and will bring about more war. She will continue supporting the rogue occupation of Israel in Palestine because the true powers that be, say-so. There will be more bombs and more death and she will stand there and gaslight us in our faces while continuing to spread the “Israel has teh right to defend itself” rhetoric. The whole fucking thing is so exhausting and there’s no end in sight while my tax dollars involuntarily funds the bloodbath. She does not represent the Black community she claims to be apart of because she does not represesnt the ideals of what Martin Luther King Jr. stood for. Kamala Harris will do what she is told to do without resistance because they will steamroll her autority and in response, she will bend the knee and kiss the ring. She is a warmongerer like all the white men before her; including Biden. Especially Biden who is a dirty warmongerer himself. They’re all disgusting to me because they are for the status quo and are not bastions of change. They are the sentinels of rot, whether they realize that or not.
The Great Asteroid couldn’t come sooner. In fact, we need multiple asteroids like a scattershot of them just for good measure.