several times in my life, i’ve had people tell me i’m weird and i even had boyfriend who told me, “i just can’t figure you out!”. well a friend of mine linked this article on facebook and it describes me exactly on all 10 points. it was like reading about myself from someone who’s never met me. i always believed that peoples’ personalities are based on not only experiences but on chemicals and neuro-pathways brain routes so this just goes to strengthen my theory. 10 Myths About Introverts | Eli Bishop.
people.
so how is life as an introvert? it’s hard, VERY fuckin hard. harder than a 10 inch stiff dick. harder than it takes Obama to make that “change” that we’ve all been waiting for. it’s hard being an introvert in this society because i figured it out at a very young age that the world is full of bullshit, and so are most of the people in it at all levels of society, and i’m going to be stuck in this bullshit for a very long time. i also discovered at a very young that this society is a cesspool and the hot mess that the dead and gone created with the rest of these assholes and there’s nothing i can do about it but unplug myself from it as best as i can. trying to find that ONE person who thinks the same as me and actually talks the talk and walks the walk and not just talks about it and then goes back to being a willing participant of the collective is like finding a black hair on a sheep. most people are caught up in the crapticism. it forces me to act “fake” around people just to fit in because they surround me at school. they surround me at work. they surround me at the playground. the grocery store. the hotel. the family reunion. they surround me every fuckin where i go and their only goal is to make me like one of them; a faceless, mindless, zombie that conforms to the norm all because … it’s easier. and if i’m not careful, i too will be a willing participant of the collective and become just like them. it’s like being the only one alive in a dead society full of walking people. their hearts are beating but the blood isn’t pumping anywhere. i don’t hate people for the sake of hating people. i hate people because they aren’t people.
American society.
society makes no space for us. the way America works it literally sucks the life out of you. i want to draw again but i have to go to work full time sometimes 8-12 hours a day so i can pay these cysts called “bills” but then when i get home i’m too tired to do anything but eat and go to sleep. i want to write music, pointless books and poetry again but again the above. i want to do alot of artistic things but i’m constantly forced to struggle to do things that i don’t give shit about with people i’d rather push off a cliff and peak over the edge just to watch them go splat against the rocks than have anything to do with. now multiply all that by years and you see how easy it is to either become a willing participant of the collective, walk around in continuous frustration, be a “fake” person or launch yourself off the cliff and take pleasure from smashing on the rocks to just end it all. i need a seperate place to go away and reboot. clear the cache. clear my volatile ram and download new non-volatile data. a hard reset. but alas, that in itself will take thousands of dollars that i just don’t have right now.
random caveats.
i feel like a ball of energy with so many ideas i want to create but alas no time. not enough money.
NO i don’t want to work for your stinking company.
NO i don’t want to worship your god.
NO i don’t want to buy anymore of your shit.
NO i don’t want to claim a profession and spend boatloads of money i don’t have on an education to lock me into a lifetime bank loan; i just want to be human and left alone.
i want to draw. i want to paint. i want to create graphic art. i want to write. i want to travel. i want to take photos. i want to play video games. i want to be myself and being myself doesn’t include the acceptable, societal, norms and i’m penalized for that. punished for being … unplugged.
America and this world in general is suffering from information overload … of trashware. the brain can only hold so much information and our society keeps pushing it into our minds that the trashware is a necessity and wants to occupy our minds with it. call it mind control. call it hypnotism. call it whatever you want, but its all spam designed for the brain.
mediocrity is the new norm …
innovation is winding down like an old rusty clock in America … it’s just that most people are too plugged in to see that yet. capitalism. corporatism. plutocracism. oligarchism.
its all weeding us out for the sake of fiat money.